and i guess that that gave me my answer

… so maybe i should stop drinking so much
but probably not

i asked you to hang out and be my friend.
i didn’t ask anymore of you then that
and you’re the one who pushed it
more then once
i understand that most people have a hard time comprehending sleeping next to the opposite sex and it not meaning anything
or even just cuddling with them and holding the other while we sleep
and it not meaning anything
it just meaning that i needed to feel a connection with another person
but just because i am there does not mean i’m there to do anything with/to/for you.
this also does mean that you have permission to do anything with/to/for me
if i ask you to come out and i ask you to stay around and i ask you if i can come hang out with you and i ask you to come back out with me and i go out of my way just the slightest bit to get ahold of you this does not mean that i want to do anything with/to/for you
this means that you are my friend and i like to hang out with you and i enjoy your company and you amuse me
if after the days events i fall asleep next to you it does not mean anything
if i turn to cuddle with you
it does not mean anything
if i start something
it means something
if you start it and i don’t turn away
it means something
if i let you do it again
it means something
if i leave after wards/roll away/leave first thing in the morning/try to get out as quickly as possible
it ment nothing.
if i bring myself in closer/give you a kiss/lay awake in bed forever/hang out until i have absolutely out worn my welcome
it meant something
and i want it to mean more
i will not go out of my way to tell you this. i will not say a single fucking word
call me crazy but in my path of existance i choose to believe that if you make a move and the other was respondent then thats probably a good thing and you should work off of that
if you make a move, i respond, you act fine with the lights out but as soon as they come on you act like absolutly everything is now on me and get to the point where you are starting to act differently around me because you don’t know how to handle all of this you might want to open your mouth and say something instead of acting all butt hurt everytime i open my mouth or talk to someone else, or get out of bed or don’t kiss you goodbye and it’s not because i don’t want too, but it’s because you are now acting like i’m invading your space because .. because .. because why? because i didn’t fuck you? sorry if i don’t feel like being another one of your stories
sorry i went off on a tangent
don’t be mad at me for getting out of bed.
don’t be mad at me because i have to leave
don’t be mad at me because i have things i have to do in my day
and don’t be mad at me when i can’t read you thoughts so i don’t know what you’re thinking and i don’t know how far i can go with you on the things i say and do now so i make it a point not to change and you .. you just aren’t the same
another tangent

if this is how it’s going to be i would of appreciated a written statement
i would also appreciate it if you would just pretend like non of this happened and go back to being my friend instead of getting upset at everything i say and do.
thank you

love,

Tanyell Palumbo