i like how you blame me for your life…

“Coming down right here

Please, please God, let that go through,
because that would be really, really awsome.
Because I feel like I’m gonna crack,
like it’s all coming down right here,
and all that I’m about to lose…..man, fuck that shit,
all I care about is my son.

I ain’t gonna bitch to you about how bad I had it,
because I didn’t,
but at least I had that.
And all the fucked up shit that went on in my childhood,
all the things that could have been that weren’t,
in the end it was enough,
and at least I had that,

But my son, he has less than that,
Because I see the way her oldest son looks at her in fear,
how he gets excited when he sees me because we have fun,
and I see how much my son loves me, and cries when he doesn’t understand,
why I’m leaving him at a daycare with strangers,
Because I know how crazy she is,
how’s she’s looking for anyway to control the world,
that she’s so scared an lonely in,
but fuck that cause I really can’t justify it more than,
She wants to take her sons father away from him,
and raise him in a double wide in boondock nowhere,
with shirts that say “awesome”

And that’s just one side of the triangle, because corporate America’s
taking my sons happy play time childhood away too,
with the slogan “Not my fault you had a kid,”
when you can’t work a weekend because your son’s got
nowhere to go but with you,
And don’t get me started on Nancy Reagen, and spineless magistrates,
and crooked cops,
Their all their too, fucking up my chance,
sending it all crashing down
to where my little house with the roses in front, where my little boy dances in the rain and hugs me close, and we make pancakes every morning, and I go to work and drive my car with good gas mileage,
all goes away and I’m left crying and running home to mommy and daddy who tell me she’s a bitch anyway, and maybe if you say you’re sorry it will all go away,
Away…like yesterday’s care -free gum

and when all I want God, is to give him more than I had,
but I’m not greedy God,
and I’d settle,
settle…
please?
For a stable happy life for my son, with two parents who love him, and coperate, and barely pay for groceries, even if it’s rice a ronie.

So I’m not gonna say you owe me, because we both know that ain’t true,
but at least give him what he needs,
sane parents who will always be there for him”

where to begin. i want to rant a rave like a lunatic but really where will that get us. I’m tired of fighting with you and feeling the need to defend myself. .. against you, everyone else, life. I’m just really tired of fighting and the sad part is is that I’m fighting for what i believe to be right. i think that you should take care of my babies .. at all cost. no matter what. and i feel that if you can’t then you won’t. i refuse to put my children in any situation that i deem unfit. i refuse tho put them in harms way in any way shape or form, hence me still living my mom in the “boondocks” because at least here i know that my kids have a roof over their heads and a warm bed to sleep in and food and people who love them. so sorry if you disagree with this. so sorry that i’m trying to provide for my children the best that i can by not forcing them to live in some rat infested little dive because yes sir that is what i could afford. sorry that i do what i can with what i can. i know thats wrong of me. love for your child is having your heart break when ever anything happens to them and spending all your energy trying to figure out what it was. not ignoring a situation. i would also like to apologize for feeling the need to make my children t shirts to get there pictures taken in. i know that this further instates my “white-trashness”. as for fear. my child fears me when he does something that he knows is wrong. my child fears me when he knows hes in trouble as any kid fears their parents. i do not spank my children i do not beat my children. i do not have a need to do this nor have i ever. i look at him and he understands and says that hes sorry. this is wrong? i think it’s an understanding. my child likes your house cause you have star wars toys. could that be why everytime he sees you he asks “hey, have you found your star wars toys yet?” and you glare. and then i glare for you looking at him that way. if my eldest child loved you as much as you believe that everyone does then why would he look at me and laugh and say “MY DAD IS SUCH A BETTER DAD THEN HE IS!!” it’s been said. more then once. so .. you want to sit there and rant a rave like you always do when things don’t go your way, when you get in trouble. then feel free. you want to slander me and call me a bitch for protecting my children. feel free. but be a little more mature about it. you think that you’re going to hurt my feelings? that just because you called me a bitch that i’m going to turn around and say “you know what .. you’re right. the gash on my child’s neck is not suspisious .. that could of definatly been caused by a t shirt. you know what IT IS my fault cause after all i was the one that put him in that shirt. and another thing. i also believe you when you tell me that you don’t fall asleep when hes over there .. even tho you never answer your phone when i call in the middle of the day. i’m sorry”